Help, Ponder Stibbons loves me!
by TiliaofAnkh
Summary: Tilia (my OC) has got a little problem: after she woke up in Discworld, where she got by accident, she met Ponder Stibbons. And he fell in love with her! And not enough with that, because then the Dragon is above the city and everything goes wrong. My first english story! Rated: K Enjoy! And please comment ... :)
1. Chapter 1 - Trouble looms

Chapter 1

Ponder took a deep breath. Then: „Do you want to go out with me?"  
It struck me. I blushed. „Oh ... I ... er ... No, I'm sorry. I mean, I like you, but ... just ... as a ... friend. I'm sorry."  
„Oh ..."  
„I mean, it's not that I wouldn't like you, Ponder, and I feel very flattered, but it just can't be like ... , 'cause it's ... you're a wizard. And I'm just ... me. Just me. Do you understand?"  
„Well, yes ...", he mumbled and looked down.  
I was panicking. I HATE to hurt people. And that was the reason, and the ONLY reason why I started talking.  
„And even ... if ... there would be ANYTHING with Trousers Of Time, well ... in my world it just doesn't happen. There isn't anything like Trousers Of Time, there are just ... people. Religion. Science. Faith and Believe and ... People - People who like other people, or people who hate other people."  
He swallowed. „And ... and you?", he asked.  
I gave a little laugh. „Me? Oh, I think I am the sort of people who ... who like the other people. I believe that, in every person there has to be something good, you know. Or, maybe, like Vimes would say, there are good people, who ... just do bad things."  
„Oh. And ... in your world ... do I, I mean, er ..."  
I looked at him, as he went silent. Oh ... „Oh Ponder ... no. No, you, you don't excist. In my world you're just ... somebody of whom I read, you know? Everything here, wizards, witches, Watchmen, Death ... you are characters in books."  
„In BOOKS?", he asked shocked, disbelieved.  
„Well, yes, there was ... I'll tell it you like fairytale. That will be easier to understand ... well. Once upon a time, there was a boy, about 14 years. And this boy was very fond to writings. He started to write his own stories. And ... as he was about 40, he had invented a whole WORLD. And this was the ... Discworld. At least it was just a Disc, on the back of four elephants, and those four elephant were standing on a big turtle, the Great A'Tuin. And he invented people: Trolls, Dwarfs, Human, Wizards, Wee - Free - Man, The Wintersmith ... and you. And Ankh - Morpork, and Uberwald and Klatch and all the others! Do you understand me, Ponder?"  
He nodded miserably and looked down. Suddenly I felt so sorry for him, that I reached out my hand and gently touched his. He looked up to me, shocked. I smiled.  
"Hey - it'll be just fine. At least I think so."  
He nodded and looked down again. I swallowed hard, then I said softly: "If you seek anyone for the Broken Drum, I'm your Girl. We would go and ... just sit and drink something. As friends. And maybe we'd met the Librarian. What do you think?"  
He smiled and I saw a spark of hope in his eyes. Oh. Damn. No, no, wait, I made him hope! Now he thinks I -  
"Okay. If you pay."  
I wanted to scream, but then decided I could do this later if he (maybe) tried to touch me. Then I'd even had a chance to slap him - for all this annoying science - stuff he said in the books.  
"Let's go then." I smiled. "Oh, but wait - I'll have to tell Captain Vimes I'm out of duty."  
His expression was blank. "You - you're a member of the WATCH?", he gasped. I shrugged. "Well, yes. I forced them to recruit me. And it's Lance-Constable Tilia to you."  
As his eyes were nearly dropping out of his face, I laughed. "Hey - joking!"  
He sighed in relief. "Oh, good I-"  
"You don't have to call me Lance-Constable!"  
"Oh. Yeah. Okay. Then ... let's go to ... him."


	2. Chapter 2 - The thing with R

Chapter 2

"Captain?", asked with my sweetest "Pleeeeaaasee" - smile.  
He looked up and raised an eyebrow. "Yes, Lance-Constable?"  
"Could I be off duty this night? Just for three or four hours."  
"What? I need you here, Lance-" He stopped, rised and quickly closed the door of his Office. "Is it because of this boy?", he asked in a low voice.  
I grimaced. "By God, NO! He's just ... a friend. A wizard. And I think you know him: Ponder Stibbons, Student."  
Vimes gasped. "WHAT? YOU GO OUT WITH A WIZARD?!"  
"NO! Lower you voice! Sir.", I added and raised my hands, nearly begging. "We're not going out - not in THIS way as you may think. He WANTED to go out with me, but I said no and now I feel guilty and-"  
He gasped again. "You - you chucked him?! Oh gods, this poor boy! There he goes and thinks he finally's found his great love, and then you just CHUCK him!"  
I can't take what I hear. SAM VIMES is SORRY for a BOY he doesn't even KNOW? "Well, I-"  
"How could you be so cruel, Tilia? Gods, I mean, he's a skinny, hopeless Idiot that's desperately seeking somebody who likes him!"  
"Just as you, Vimes.", I said coldly and crossed my arms. He stopped. His eyes narrowed. "What did you say?"  
I sighed. "What I MEANT is: You're just the same. Or maybe you're just too blind to see it!"  
He blinked. "What?"  
I sighed theatric. "Oh PLEASE, VIMES! Don't tell me you didn't regonized it! It's jst so OBVIOUS!"  
"What the bloody hell are you talking about?!"  
I took a step forward and pointed my index finger on his chest. "Now listen to me, Sam Vimes!", I growled, "Just don't you DARE telling me that you didn't see how she looked at you!"  
"WHO?", he asked desperately.  
"LADY SYBIL RAMKIN!", I shouted at him.  
He slumped together. "Oh ..."  
"Oh? So you DIDN'T-!"  
"YES I DID!", he shouted back and even made a step forward. "But the reason is that I'm just so a big FOOL, you know? I am a ... a ... NOTHING!"  
He slumped down to his chair and ran one hand through his hair.  
A sudden thought struck me. "Hey, Sir?", I asked and laid a gentle Hand on his shoulder.  
"What?", he mumbled, with his head in his arms.  
"I think you should come with us. Then can I explain everything to you. We'll figure this out, Sir. I'll help you. Promise."  
Sam Vimes smiled.

Later.  
I watched Vimes, who drained his glass in one gulp. 'Wow', I thought. 'If I don't watch him, he'll drink the whole bar ...'  
"D-do ye know wha-what's the problem's?", Vimes asked, a raised finger pointing on us.  
"What?", Ponder and me asked syncronal.  
"I'm too scruffy. 'at's it, ye know? 'm just an unshaved, cynical accumulation of bad Habits, marinated in alcohol.", he mumbled.  
"We see that.", I said sarcastically.  
Vimes reached out for another glass, but Ponder stopped him and said: "I think you've had enough, Captain."  
Vimes blinked. Then looked down at Ponders Hand, clutched around his wrist. I closed my eyes, silently praying, as I feared of the big Explosion.  
But there was nothing. I opened my eyes. They just stared at each other. Then Vimes said: "You're right, lad. Enough. I have to go and seek 'er, to -"  
He stumbled as he tried to get up. Ponder was faster than me and pushed him back. "Maybe you should go to her when you're sober, Sir.", he said with a wisdom I wouldn't have expected from a fifteen year-old wizard. But maybe he had experience with drunken men. I think wizards are drunken all the time. Take the Bursar as example. But - no, he's just lost touch with sanity.  
"Okay", Vimes said and nodded. "I'll go tomorrow. But only when ...", he pointed at me. His finger was shaking*. "Only when YOU're coming with me."

(*Yes, he'd DEFINITLY enough.)

"Me?", I asked in disbelief.  
"Yes, you! I Need somebody who understands this Thing ... what was it?"  
"Sensibility? Emotion?", I asked with a raised eyebrow.  
He winked. "No, no, it was a thingy ... Thing ... with R."  
I gasped. "Romantic?"  
He nodded happily and smiled. "Yes! That's the word. Thank you."  
My smile grew even wider and I think it made me look a Little bit insane. Just a Little bit. "OKAY!", I nearly screamed and would have nearly jumped onto him, but I stopped myself and blushed. "S-sorry. Was overwhelmed by my own fanship. Chrm. Well."  
Ponder grabbed my arm and pulled me near. Just a second I tought if I'd slap him, but as he asked: "Can I speak to you? Just a sec? A lone?" I decided there would be enough time to do this. I shrugged. "Okay. This Corner. Though I think he might not listen."  
As we stood up, Vimes giggled a drunken laugh. "Yes, children, go to some privacy!" I shot him a killing look. "One more word, Vimes, and YOU'LL be the one who'll be slapped!" His eyes drifted away. Okay.  
Ponder pulled me into a Corner. "Um", he started, "Vimes and this ... Lady. They are ... even invented from ... this ... man?"  
I nodded. "Yes. By the way, his name's Terry Pratchett, or as the most of us fans call him 'The Genius Man With The Hat, but nevermind. What's up with them?"  
"Well ... are they ... I mean, in the books, together?"  
Dumbfounded I looked at him. Well, not what I've expected, but - oh well ... "Uh, yes, they come together at the end of 'Guards! Guards!', so - that what happens right now."  
His face brightened. "So I'm in the book even?"  
"No, not really. But ... 'cause of I'm here everything screws up a little bit."  
He laughed. "Are you serious? You've changed EVERYTHING!"  
I couldn't help but blushed. "Oh ... r-really?"  
"Yes!", he said excited. "At the Univerity - EVERYONE talks about you! Especially the Bursar is very fond of you! And the Dean, too! And Archcanceller Ridcully just can't wait meeting you!"  
"Oh, that's very ... flattering?"  
"But to come back to Vimes and Lady ... Ramkin?" I nodded. "Okay. What happens to them?"  
I smiled brightly. "Oh, well, they come together and, well, he proposes to her, they marry and two, or three books ... wait a sec ... um, Jingo, Feet of Clay, Nightwatch - Yes, two! In Nightwatch they get a Little son - and they Name him after Vimes! So Young Sam ..." I sighed. "Such a wonderful couple."  
"Ah."  
That was all. He said nothing more than "Ah." "Why'd you ask?", I asked him. He shrugged. "I just wanted to know ... if he ... finds his luck. If he's got a future. Does he die?"  
"No, I think not! Well, he gets attacked by assassins and Werewolves and fights himself nearly to death, but he doesn't die, no. Not SAM VIMES. That couldn't be. It's just not like him."  
"Oh. Okay. That's good. I'd felt very sorry for his wife and his son ... er, future. Future-wife and Future-Son. Yeah."  
"What if we go back to him and take him home? He looks like he could have got some sleep ..." I pointed out. Vimes was fallen asleep, with his had on the table.  
"Oh. Yes, good idea." He seems alLittle bit disappointed. But, hey, don't think I'm cruel, but he HAD - TO - LIVE - WTIH - IT, good grief! He'll survive.  
So each of us took one arm from Vimes' lifeless body and dragged him outside, over the street. "Where does he live?", Ponder asked. "Forgot it", I answered. "Let's take him to the Watch, we're still on duty. Actually. I'll ask Fred or Nobby to help me."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah. No Problem, really. But if you''d help me carrying him there, I'd be grateful." So we did.


	3. Chapter 3 - Curfew

Chapter 3

I knocked frantically to the door. Nothing. I knocked one more time. Still no answer.  
"WILL ONE OF YOU BLOODY IDIOTS OPEN THIS GODDAMNED DOOR?!", I screamed. No second later a mortified Colon opened the door. "Thank you",I said sweetly.  
He looked at me in a way, like "Still didn't figured out if she's sane or not", but then stepped aside to let us in. With a look at Vimes he said: "Oh. FOUND HIM, NOBBY!", he shouted over his back. Nobby came out of the door. "Hey, you've found him! That's good, we were worried!"  
"Yes. We'll lay him to his Office 'til he Wakes up, okay?"  
We brought him there and then carefully closed the door.  
Nobby appeared from behind us. "Hey, Til, who's this lad?", he asked, "Your boyfriend?"  
Ponder went red, but I stood calm and responded cool: "No, he's NOT my boyfriend, Nobby, just a ... friend. He's wa wizard and helped me with Old Stoneface."  
"Ah." Nobby didn't look like he would believe me and winked, then smirked. "Okay, Not-boyfriend-of-Tilia: What are you doing 'ere, hm? Isn't already curfew?"  
Ponder winced. "Gods, you're right! I won't come in!" He thought about it, then smiled hopefully. Oh, no, he wouldn't dare to-  
"Could I stay here? For night?"  
God. No. I groaned silently. Then I forced a smile to my lips. "Alright. But most of the time it'll be lame here, 'cause NOBBY and ME will be on duty, right, Nobby?"  
I nudged him to the side. Nobby winced. "Oh, right! Yeah, we will!", he prompted.  
"Oh ..."  
"But you can stay here with Carrot, I guess you'll like him!" I smiled one more time, then took Nobby by the arm* (*At least I HOPE it was his arm ...) and pulled him with me, growling to him: "Thank you very much, Nobby!"  
He smiled mischievously. "Always. You know me." Nobby winked. I rolled my eyes.  
Ponder appeared behind us and called afterwards: "I'll be here then and wait for you, okay?"  
I Held my thumbs up and forced a grin to my lips. "Yeah, sure! BYE!"  
As I passed Nobby, I groaned to him in a low voice: "You're SO dead, Nobby!"

„Midnight, and ev'rything is weeeeell! Do you really think so?", I asked after the scream as we walked on. Nobby shrugged. „Yeah, sure. You just need to tell him - like this: „Oh, Ponder, I am SO sorry, I don't love you, but we can stay friends!" - and he'll be off until you can say Bearhugger!"  
„Okay ..." Hm, okay, sounds strange but let's give it a try ... maybe he'll really go. And stop following me. And stop loving me?  
„Nobby?"  
„Hm?"  
„Um ... I ... I think he ... is ... still in love with me."  
He stopped. „Uh. Well, that changes everything. Then you have to do everything to make him NOT more love you, and THEN you can say you can stay friends, how 'bout that?"  
„But what can I DO, Nobby?", I said desperately.  
„Am I a Love - Doctor? Well ... Anti-Love-Doctor, actually. But, okay, I'll help you!"  
I laughed in relief. „Oh, THANK YOU, Nobby! This time, honestly!"  
His eyes narrowed. „You won't run after me and screamin' like hell like you're insane? Like the time you first saw me? That was a great shock for me, y'know, 'cause normally women run AWAY from me - you did the differenz."  
„Indeed, Indeed."  
He stared at me. „What? I AM a free member of this damn city, aren't I? I HAVE rights, you know. But, if yu want to: My own fanship did it to me and turned me into a monster. I am dreadfully sorry."  
He looked like in deep thoughts, then looked at me and asked: „Would you be interested in playing in out theatre-group?"  
„REALLY?!" I screamed, then catched me. „Chrm. I mean: Really? Sounds great! Do you think I've got the talent?"  
„Yeah."  
„Cool!" 'Nobby thinks I've got TALENT!', my inner fanside screamed, bathing in happiness, but myself was stronger and asked THE question: „Why exactly?"  
He shrugged. „Well, who lies THIS WAY, just can't be no actor!"

_

Sorry this one was so short ... next chapter coming out soon!

Reviews are alway welcome! I don't bite ... ;D


	4. Chapter 4 - The Truth

**I'm back with a new chapter! I've finally worked out how this thingy thing with these lines is working ... and now I can keep the bit apart! :) In this chapter is CARROT in it! *Gasp!* And a less of Ponder ... Enjoy reading! :)**

* * *

„Yo, everybody, Tilia is BACK!", I screamed as I bursted into the Watch.  
„Oh ... hello."  
„Hi, Carrot! How are you?"  
„Well ..."  
„Oh, good! What are you doing?"  
„Oh, just reading the next chapter of my book ..."  
„Huh. Still didn't get it - wait, what does 'Innerrchonthlicks'mean?"  
„It's 'Innerconflict'."  
„Oh ..." I turned around and muttered: „When do you people learn spelling?"  
„Did you say something?", Carrot asked.  
I turned around and blushed. „No!", I grinned, my hands behind my back. „Um ... is Vimes still dead?"  
„He DIED?!" Carrot jumped up.  
I sighed, reached out and placed a gentle hand onto his shoulder. „Someday when it's time ... I'll explain you the words 'Sarcasm', 'Ironic' and 'Cynical'! And - no, he's ALIVE, I meant if he's still asleep!"  
„Oh, no, he woke up maybe five minutes before Nobby and you came in."  
„Thank you, Carrot. I think I'll go and look what I can do. He must feel horrible. Let's hope he's not completely smashed down to the ground ..."  
„As I saw him he walked straight!"  
„Just FORGET it, okay?!"

* * *

„Captain? Sir? Vimes?"  
I knocked to the door. There was no noise from inside. „Sam?", I tried hopefully. The door swung open. „What?", he groaned.  
I winked with the mug. „I brought you some coffee. I thought it might help you ... Sir."  
He waved impatiently with one hand and let me in. „Yes, yes, leave it at calling me Captain. Or just Vimes. I'm used to. And thank you."  
This time I waved and smiled. „Hey, no problem, Vimes!"  
„No, not only for the coffee. Thank you for taking care."  
„Oh! Er, Ponder helped me and ..."  
He smiled. And I couldn't believe it! VIMES WAS SMILING! Oh. My. God. I'll have to mention this in my notebook! „I meant for offering help. With Lady Ramkin. By the way, why do you care about it? Why do you want to help me?"  
I sighed. I hoped we could have spare this ... „You should sit down, Captain."  
„Why?"  
„Just DO it. As you once said_ 'People always wanted explanations.'_ Well, at least you're supposed to do. If everything goes well."  
He stared at me. „Where do you know what I'll say?"  
I swallowed hard. Took a deep breath. And then I said: „You asked me where I came from. And I said 'from far away'. And that's true. Because this 'far away' place is another world, where ...everything ist so... different. Just so different." I smiled softly. „First of all, my world is not a disc. It's ... a big ball. And it's not carried by elephants. Nor is it on a giant turtle. In my world everything is ... normal. No werewolves, no witches, no wizards, no Ankh-Morpork ... other people. In my world _you_ don't exist. There you are in ...", another deep breath, „Books. But in genius ones. I ... I read them, nearly all. And in these books ... there is the Discworld. There's the watch and Death, and the witches, and Azrael, and you, and Lady Ramkin, and Fred, and Nobby, Carrot, Ponder - everyone. But somehow ... you all exist. I came into this world - god knows how - and somehow everything is real. Once I dreamt I'd come here, but it never felt so ... real."  
Vimes sat down and stared at me, in disbelieve. Then he finally spoke. „So ... we're all in books?"  
„Yes."  
„Even Nobby?"  
„Even Nobby."  
„Which cruel person DID this to invent somebody like Nobby? Or me?"  
I sat beside him. „This 'cruel' person was Terry Pratchett, the most genius author ever, thank you very much.", I said sharply, but then softened my voice. „He wrote the books."  
„Oh. But I AM real, aren't I?"  
„Let's try", I said, patted him on the shoulder, then smiled and grinned. „Yes, you're real - at least I think so. I'll have to do more tests on the others ..."  
He laughed a snort of laughter - the, well, Vimes laughing. It's a miracle I didn't collapse. So I just grinned widely and looked to him. „Well, you don't seem to be very shocked."  
„Yes, I think I took it well, for that that you've just told me I am just a book character." He thought for a while, then asked: „_You_ dreamt of being _here_?"  
I laughed. „Yes! But hey - now I'm in there for REAL! That's one a million time better! And I hope I'll be long enough there to see it ..."  
Oh yes, I wanted to see Young Sam! _Please, make me see him! Let me stay long enough! _  
„What?", Vimes asked puzzled.  
„Oh, nothing!", I said innocently.  
„So ... in the books ... what is standing there about Lady Sybil?"  
I was about to answer the question, but then I held on and smirked. „Aah, you called her by her first name! Can't hide it, man!" I nudged him into the side. „Come on! I KNOW you feel something for her!"  
He looked miserably. „Does it stand in the book?", he asked weakly.  
„Yes", I said softly. „And because of this I want to help you. Because I think I have to ... lead everything to it's right way, you know? I think I am here to ... help everything to go right."  
„Oh. Alright. And ... will it work?"  
I decided to be honest and said: „I don't know. But I hope so."  
„What is there about her? In the books?", he asked quietly. I looked at him. Wow, he was really in love. In the books it took a while ... Did I this? Was it my fault? Better said, merit.  
„Well ... she is a grandiose woman. Very grateful, honest, sweet, respectable, kind, generously, gentle ... a little bit crazy ... and funny. Resolute."  
Vimes said nothing. He just sat there, his hands clasped in his lap, and stared into nothing. Then he started to smile. After a while he looked up to me and said: „Thank you."  
I knew he really meant it.

* * *

**Well, that was chapter 4! Hope you enjoyed it!**

**Comments ...? :D**


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